Monday, August 24, 2015

Things To Do in a Doctor's Office


The nurse calls your name and you are relieved you're finally out of the awkwardly quiet waiting room and away from that old lady who keeps asking what the time is.

But wait... There's more! Waiting that is.

You get into the small confined room and the nurse asks you a couple of preliminary questions. She then hands you your paper robe (which smells like it's either been peed on or could have been sitting in the cupboard for 3 years now) and says the doc will be right in.

So now you're sitting in the room by yourself, mostly naked, and covered in paper. What do you do?

You could scroll through Twitter. And Instagram. And maybe post something on your long lost Aunt's Facebook wall. Or you could do much more entertaining things!

Here are my suggestions:

-Do an ab workout
-Paint your nails
-Call an old friend
-Become a fashion designer with your gown and rip it in fun ways
-Write a letter to your significant other
-Practice times tables
-Learn how to french braid
-Draw a variety of mustaches on your fingers and take selfies (keep that gown on!)

...Or you could write a blog post (example A)!


Got to go! The doc is finally in!


A Day in the Life of an Unemployed College Graduate

Oh, what a productive and exciting life it is indeed...

10:09 a.m. - Wake up with two texts from friends and a voicemail from an unknown number.

Because all of your friends have jobs, the prime time for them to text you back about your crazy idea to move down south and getting jobs as ice cream scoopers near a beach had to wait until the morning. Now that you've texted them back, they won't respond until their lunch break.

The voicemail from an unknown number gives you hope... Maybe this is your shining moment! Could it be an employer from your dream company offering you the perfect job? Nope. It's just some fake contest you've "won". If only.

11:22 a.m. - Eat breakfast

Now that you've checked all social media (twice, maybe three times) it's time to eat. Go downstairs to find your mom has only stacked the cupboards with her healthy foods. Like hello mom, I still have a metabolism. Fortunately for you, your mom likes to bake. So you grab a water and the bag of chocolate chips and head straight back up to your bed.

11:28 a.m. - Job Hunt

After a well-balanced breakfast, you decide to search for jobs. Hours of googling (personally, I like Bing) and LinkedIn searching go by and you've applied for 6 jobs you don't really want. It's been two weeks of job hunting so your standards are starting to lower. Hopefully, you haven't filled out an application for McDonald's... yet.

2:45 p.m. - Mom calls

"Hey honey! How did the job hunt go today? Any calls?" Same shit, different day.

3:03 p.m. - Mom gets home from work

You're on your way down the stairs from your bedroom to the kitchen from lunch. Your boobs are bouncing due to lack of support on, wearing clothes 3 sizes too big, hair and makeup a mess. Have you even brushed your teeth today? Probably not.

Mom sees that you have only left your room for food and to unleash so she starts assigning random tasks for you to do around the house. You agree to every task because not only have you been a lazy bum today (and every day for the last two weeks) but you aren't paying rent so you kind of don't have a choice.

3:57 p.m. - Netflix

The most powerful addiction on this Earth: Netflix. You've started watching Friday Night Lights or maybe even started a new series and have been completely sucked in. You watch two to three episodes based on start time of dinner.

6:24 p.m. - Dinner

You sit at the dinner table with your mom and one of your brothers (the other brother has already moved in at school). Your littlest brother annoys the crap out of you by saying something about how he needs a new pair of shoes when he literally just got a new pair last week. Your mom asks you to go to a party with her that evening as a subtle nudge to take a shower and to get back into the social scene.

7:30p.m. - Mom Party

It's exactly everything you're thinking: wine, cheese, women buying expensive clothing they don't need and unimportant conversations with people you don't know. Luckily for you, only 4 people asked what you are doing at home and with your career. You beg your mom to leave after an hour, but naturally you stay for two.

9:49 p.m. - Back in bed

Finally! You're exhausted from an evening of chatting about the life you don't have and now it's time to reflect on the day. You make a list of things to do tomorrow which include: cleaning out an unpacked bin, doing a load of laundry, finishing that craft you started a year ago, coming up with a workout schedule and planning to make calls to employers. Your motivation has peaked for the day, but you decide it's just too late to do any of that now.

2:22 a.m. - Time to sleep!

The Netflix notice, "Are you still watching?" pops up on your screen and you take that as a sign to hit the sheets for the night. Until tomorrow..........